My Predictions for 2008

I was supposed to write something about how we all seem to always botch up our new year resolutions as early as the third day of January. But I figured I would be writing something academic and analytical and I really did not feel like using my brain early today. So instead, I present to you my Soothsayer Predictions for 2008. Horaay!

This is an annual thing for me. Every start of the year, I would give my share of no-holes barred predictions to various stuff like politics, showbiz, economics, society, religion, etc. Most of the time, they come true. Last year I said that funny-hair-dude Trillanes would do a Round 2 of his coup circus acts. So when he actually did so last November, I just sat back, opened a can of Coke and gave my folks an i-told-you-smile. Anyway, I digress. I just hope somebody would take me seriously this time around. Without further adieu, my predictions for 2008.

The Headlines: 

• Chinese world domination and the location of Santa's workshop
  
• Another fictional character declared gay. Terrorists call it quits.
  
• Rise of mobile web and the fall of Facebook
• Japanese robots and the Britney Spears sex tape
• Read the details here.
  

This year…

1. The Japanese will invent the robot that would one day plan the destruction of all mankind.  We all know how the Japanese are technologically superior. But despite this fact, many people still think they're just a bunch of nutty nerds with tools and anime comics who speak funny English. Unless people start taking them seriously, I tell you kids, this robot will be made in 2008. 

2. Facebook will replace Friendster. The “atrocities” from the jologs-infested Friendster will migrate to the more sophisticated social network. I say early this year, we Facebookers will see several JhaYsonS and JhenNeLLes roaming the network trying to add you up as a “friend”. Moreover, Warbook will be plagued by Salbakuta boys and hardcore fans of Eat Bulaga. And they will chain attack you until you end up slashing your wrists in overwhelming frustration.

3. Another popular fictional character will be declared gay. When Dumblepants was let out of his closet late last year, the whole literary world was plunged into mixed chaos and euphoria. They said J.K. Rowling did it again. I say, I knew the old wizard was gay as early as the second book. Now, I say somebody will follow suit. I can't wait until Sam and Frodo come out of their closets and change the whole meaning of "bestfriends".

4. A sex video courtesy of Britney Spears will hit the Internet. A genuine one. Or probably by some other popular “wasted-all-the-time” chick. And it will rock the intarnets harder than Paris  Hilton rocked your pants with hers. These Hollywood gals will continue to please the paparazzi with their eye-popping “revelations”, and this year, even more. I also predict more sleepless nights for the pervs and certified DOMs.

5. Traffic conditions will improve significantly this year. Primarily because the oil companies will screw us all. This time twice the force they did in screwing us over in 2007. Gas prices will continue to skyrocket and more people will be forced travel via public transportation. Some senator will use this issue to boost his / her popularity. He / she will probably run for a national position in 2010.

6. The Chinese will take the first step in their quest for world domination. And I'm not even talking about the Olympics. Their weapons of cheap plastic goods and mass produced fake electronics will surely hit the world's economy this year like an army of locusts swarming over a basketball sized corn field. Big companies like Apple and Sony were already sent crying last year. It seems the only force that could go up against them are the Indians with their (almost) equal population. It will only be a matter of time until the USA, EU and Middle East bow down to the mighty Chinese army of factory workers. Hell, I'm betting Santa Claus will migrate his toy shop factory from the North Pole to Southern China early this year.

7. The rise of mobile web. And it will be big. Almost everyone who's wise and genius in the web industry knows this. It's inevitable. We've seen the signs last year: the launch of extensive web apps for mobile phones and the land rush for .mobi domain names. Mobile phone companies (Nokia, Samsung) are already designing their new products to cater to this inevitable phenomena. And with the big internet companies (Google, Microsoft) well prepared to dominate newfound land, we can be all too sure that people would be surfing for Laura Cohan pictures more using their N95s. And I could already see Gates and the Google boys doing the evil laugh.

8. Big changes in the local celebrity arena. Politicians will enter showbiz. Actors will become religious leaders. Religious leaders will train to be national athletes. And the athletes will start their campaign as early as 2008 for their attempt to run for local politics. Also, a senator will be involved in a scandal which may lead to his / her steep decline in popularity. This is the Philippines. Anything can happen.

9. The Al Qaeda will take responsibility for the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The paranoia last year was really disgusting. With everything being blamed on terrorists nowadays, the incompetent and corrupt authorities will find it most convenient to simply blame everything on elements “beyond their control”. Even if most of the time the authorities are the actual culprits. In 2008, we will see more of this. And Osama (if he's really dead) would rise from his grave, bang his head on a wall and die again in disgust. (special mention to the wholettheblogout.com for this entry)

10. The Philippines will be internationally recognized for something. The news will hit CNN, BBC, NBC, Al Jazeera and every frickin' news station in the planet like tsunami waves. The tri-media will go nuts about this. The details of this prediction are sketchy. I just know something big will happen in 2008 and we all have to be ready for it. For better or worst. Probably some 10-year old Filipino kid will discover the cure for AIDS or whatever. Or some author of a blog claiming mind invasion will finally bring world peace or something. I really don't know. I just hope he gets rich along the way.

That's it folks. You've been warned.