The Anti-Valentines Day Post

I am officially in denial. Tomorrow is NOT Valentines Day. There is no such thing this 2008. I say, screw Valentines! I’m going stag and anti-Valentines this year.  Tomorrow is February 14 and nothing more. In fact, tomorrow is Single’s Awareness Day. (The day when we single people, become fully aware that we are indeed single.) And since you can literally taste my bitterness exuding from your computer screens, allow me to list the things I hate about Valentines.

1. It’s friggin’ overrated. I seldom use the word "overrated". It’s only in occasions like these when I use the adjective. And when I say overrated, I really mean skyrocket overrated. Crickey, it’s even more overrated than Britney Spears and her bald head. Valentines is supposed to be a special day when you take your partner to an expensive dinner, give her lovely overpriced flowers and say lovely mushy poems you probably copied from the Internet anyway.

I say, why wait for Valentines to do these things? Why not do it today or on August 12 or May 7 or whatever date that is forgiving to your budget? Valentines is supposed to be a day when you make your partner fall in love with you all over again right? You don’t have to wait for Valentines to prove your feelings or show how much you love and treasure the other person. If you can, make it a special day everyday! I really don’t understand why couples have to show affection and intimacy all at the same day, same time, everywhere!!!… Don’t you know that you’re making us single people upset and… agadfohoieg45h4oih0fh80w3oqhffhoihaw!!!!!1221!!

…………………. 

(Ok, I’m calm now. Goosefrabaaah) 

2. The atmosphere is discriminatory. It becomes really depressing since the whole Valentines atmosphere can be felt wherever I go. All the radio stations play mushy music, the malls are littered with the color red, chocolates are on sale and lines in flower shops are like lottery kiosks during big jackpot nights. Moreover, you tend to notice couples more and how sweet they are and how happy they are together… and how you would silently wish the earth would open and eat them both alive. I mean, what about the other 20 million single men and women out there who doesn’t have someone to spend it with? And the whole Metro is celebrating it as if everybody has a partner. See? My point, exactly. Me, bitter? Nooooooooooo.

I say we make laws on this. The Senate is too busy over matters that has nothing to do with the lives of the people who got them to power. I suggest that Valentines should only be celebrated on certain places. At the same time, there should be designated Valentines-free zones. Let’s say Pasig City will be a Valentines-free city this 2008. Any form of Valentines expression would be held accountable to the laws of the land. No big heart posters or dinner date promos. With this law in effect, all single men and women would simply hop to Pasig and spend the 14th there without having to go through the torment of seeing couples in red dining in overpriced restos.  This is genius. Now if only a senator would be genius enough to endorse this in the House. Sen. MDS perhaps?

3. The color red. And it’s everywhere. I know Valentines is all about love and love is associated with the color red. Why is this so? Is it because the color of our heart is red? Well LOL your face, it’s red because it’s got lots of blood in it. And when you see blood, it’s never a good thing. Red is also the color of the cloth used by matadors when they fight raging bulls. Truly a sucker’s color, bulls are actually colorblind and yet still have this awful dislike for the color red. Also, red is the color of road haywire. When you see red on the traffic lights, a small part of you curses in dismay. And this is subconscious. A red card in sports usually means a player’s ejection from the game. Red is also the color of the communists. And a red light district is a place you don’t want to associate yourself with. And yet we litter every place with the color red during Valentines. Ugh. See, I’m always good in seeing the bad side of things. Harharhar.

4. Traffic is crazy. For some reason, the traffic around the metro has become a tad heavier than usual. And because it’s Valentines, I’m putting the blame on Cupid and his henchmen. Metro Manila traffic is already a calvary. Valentines made it extra crappy. Imagine a crappy calvary. All this because of Valentines. Wow. Isn’t this already a good reason why we should designate Valentine-free zones? Good job Cupid. You really make our driving experience a true test of patience (because we have to wait 46 hours before the RED traffic light goes green) and sanity (because all the radio stations are playing David Pomeranz songs). You know what, I don’t think you’re cute at all. Yes, I’m going ad hominem now.

5. I have no date. Ayun, lumabas din. ’nuff said.

I hope my demented humor made you smile.

Happy Valentines Day to you all! : D