Home TV Shopping Therapy. It Works!

I was watching the Home TV Shopping Channel last night and I noticed how the goods being sold are getting more and more ridiculous over the years. I remember back in the channel’s pilot airings when the only things they sell are within the "bounderies of logic". (veggie cutters, frying pans, excercise machines) Nowadays, it’s like show after show of absurd inventions. Even the 365 variations of kitchen knives are starting to bore me.

Next to JackTV, AXN and Star Movies Chinese, Home TV Shopping is probably one of my favorite TV channels. Seriously. It showcases man’s ingenuity and ability to innovate up to the point of aburdity. Hence, things become more interesting.

My favorite is the showcase of different skin products. Anti-aging lotions, breast augmenting creams, height boosting capsules, hair growth shampoos and acne removing products. All claim that their product is the modern-day Elixir / Sorcerer’s Stone / Holy Grail, Resurgence, etc.

You also got to love the testimonials. Every ad has one. Once cannot help but be amazed when the frail, acne-infested kid becomes Brad Pitt-like after using some Chinese herbal cream. Deep inside, we feel better for that kid.

I wonder, do people really call the numbers they flash on the screen? I like the part when they go "BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! CALL IN THE NEXT 10 MINUTES AND YOU’LL GET THE AMAZING RUSSIAN BLADE NAIL CUTTER ABSOLUTELY FREE! YOU’LL ALSO GET THE PREMIUM 5-BETAMAX TUTORIAL ON HOW TO LOSE 100 LBS. IN TWO DAYS! ISN’T THAT AMAZING? CALL NOW AND YOU’LL ALSO GET A FREE 20mL BOTTLE OF GROW-A-HAIR AND A SET OF MURAD RESURGENCE.  NOW THAT’S THE BEST OFFER EVER!!! ALL THAT FOR ONLY 4,999.99 PESOS!!! 1-800-838XX34"

I got to have to hand it to the marketing guys of these products. It’s really a good way of saying "Hey baldy, you know what, you nails look ghastly. Oh, and you’re also fat. Haha. Call us, we’ll hook you up with some over priced acne removing lotion that would not probably work anyway. Good luck with the zits, suckerrrr!"

But seriously, if these resurgence kits do really work, then it would really be a breakthough in the science world. But I have yet to see or meet a person who really used the products. I know the people they use in the testimonials are paid actors and the last thing I want is to look like Gary Lising. 

Genius. To the guys over at Home TV Shopping, you guys are geniuses. Not only do you help save the kids from eternal emo-dom, you also give me a reason to be happy after a long day of working in the coal mines.