Reading Books Can Make You Awesome

I am lost for words. This is probably one of the best books out there. No, this could probably THE best book of all time.  

I know right.

I don’t only want to read it, I feel the need to own one. A book that teaches awesomness is already awesome in itself. The cover may not actually make sense, but who cares? You’re guaranteed to be awesome by the time you finish reading this masterpiece!  

Lorraine Peterson (the author) is probably related to Chuck Norris. Also, just from the book she wrote, we can deduce that she:

1. Owns a crocodile and a dinosaur as pets.
2. Carries a Desert Eagle wherever she goes.
3. Eats nails and broken glass for breakfast while armwrestling with Hulk Hogan. On a daily basis. 

We can also tell from the titles of the other books she wrote that she can punch every military dictator in the planet and walk away unharmed. Some of the titles are:

• If God Loves Me, Why Can’t I Get My Locker Open
• Radical Advice from the Ultimate Wiseguy : Solomon’s Up-To-Date Insights for Young People 
• Trying to Get Toothpaste Back into the Tube : Making Choices You Don’t Have to Undo
• Falling Off Cloud Nine and Other High Places
• Dying of Embarrassment– & Living to Tell About It

Awesome. Simply awesome.

If you can write about all this and have people read ‘em, you should bitch slap J.K. Rowling and every one of her Harry Potter fans to kingdom come. Listening to David Hasselhoff songs will never be the same.