The End of the World is Near…

…and is set to happen 30 days from now.

That’s about the time when two atomic particles will collide after being launched at almost light speed early this morning. Not making sense? Well… Read on, noob.

If you are a science geek, a nerdy blogger or just another curious Joe, you’d know that today marks the activation of the Large Hadron Collider. The LHC is the largest particle accelerator ever built. It’s also the largest thing ever built. Basically it was created to solve science’s remaining unsolved mysteries such as the Big Bang Theory, black holes, dark matter, time travel and all that fancy Star Trek hulabaloos. It launches two sub atomic particles from one end to the next, making it run across a 17-mile oval until both particles hit each other really really hard. Sounds familiar? Well, the guys in Hiroshima and Nagasaki surely know what these science talk means. 

Say hello to the Large Hadron Collider. Also known as the Large effing Hadron Collider.

But wait… Did I just say Big Bang? Black Holes? and Time Travel?  Sounds good eh? Well you can wipe that geeky smile of your face because none of these stuff is anything near the word “good”. In fact, you should start worrying as a sheep and grow deformities in your face because none of these science mysteries are funny. 

EDSA corner Buendia Ave. 30 days from now.

Recreating the Big Bang simply isn’t a good idea. Smashing protons really really really really hard a millions times over per second is like trying to act like God, only 999,999 times the effort. According to Cracked.com :

What Could Possibly Go Wrong? Well, first imagine an apocalyptic nuclear holocaust. Multiply that by about one hundred and twenty thousand billion, and then multiply that by around the neighborhood of infinity. That equals around one eighth of the magnitude of the Big Bang.

And these virgin scientists simply wants to recreate one just for kicks. So yes, we are going to get screwed by these scrawny little nerds who have no reservations in destroying Earth and all forms of life in it. And I’m just talking about the recreation of the Big Bang. I also said they build the Large effing Hadron Collider to understand black holes and strange matter.  They couldn’t be serious about strange matter…. Right? Because if they are, then we are really screwed…

Strange matter. You touch it, you’re gone. Meaning, you cease to exist after a fraction of a second. Along with everything that touches you. And everything the stuff that touched you touches. And so on and so forth until the whole world is screwed. And strange matter can only be produced when two particles hit really really really really hard… like what the Large effing Hadron Collider intends to do. Oh, and did I mention that it was activated early this morning? No? Well booyah!  You and your King Midas’ touch will turn anything into moo poop… in 30 days!

Business will really stink for the evil Google Empire if the black hole sucks in the Internet.

But I guess these dorks in the science group called CERN (I forgot what it stands for, but I remember it being part of Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons) are determined to risk everything, at our expense, just to understand these things. For example, these guys’ theories claim that the Large Hadron Collider will open up wormholes with its high energy collisions that time travelers from the future or similar science douchebags x number of years from now can manipulate and all.

Science will kill us all. Srsly.

But really, its just a theory. And you do they really have to activate that mountain of a machine just to see if it really works? If it doesn’t, well, I just hope the great great grandsons of Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren from the future will come to the present and kick these daredevils in the badoodles. Why those two giants? Well, I just believe everyone in the future will be so physically advanced that all men will be “patterned” to the main characters of Rocky IV.

Meet your great grandson. Also, everyone will look like him in the year 2087.

Sigh.

Well, that’s about it for me about my rants about the impending Doomsday. In the meantime, 30 days is still a long way to go. Lots of time to do the stuff I don’t usually do. Like ballet or going to the children’s zoo. If we all get sucked to a black hole and end up in Deep Space 9 or land somewhere in Tatooine, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. 

See you on the other side kids.

Booyah!

Read more on this topic:

Large Hadron Collider

Big Bang

Strange Matter